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A disquised portal to Folnerium
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| September 30th 2008 |
[Oct. 1st, 2008|07:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Stubbron | ] |
Today I feel like a dark cold creature, slinking my way around people and trying not to be caught. It’s kind of like an injured wild beast… refusing to be seen by the others as week. When I am truly troubled something fantastic happens, I watch my body become a puppet making me resume as normal, and I feel the clone of myself dance about like the giddy happy being I sometimes am possessed by. My mood shifts like the tides.. And I’m forever unsure if I was really happy, or playing it well enough no one noticed.
Nothing happened today to upset me.. Just for some odd reason I feel lonely. It’s an annoying feeling, because I know this is not the way of things for me. It’s just the cold shadow that managed to lurk up my back.
In fact, I had a rather pleasant day in the normally dark building, laughing and smiling with random creatures all day. My most favorite of the creatures to play with is a lost soul. She sometimes helps me find my way.. And reminds me that not always are things as bad as they appear to be.
Let me explain this soul properly.. If you could look right at her, you would notice that she has a very endearing aura. That could be filled with life, if not for the fact that she is lost. Her eyes have a soft pain that flicker in them whenever she feels displaced again, and her words are not often strong. Though she could have much power behind them… If only.
She is gentle, and has a very feminine nature about her.. she moves as if she floats. But perhaps the thing about her that makes her a lost soul is how she feels. When you are around her, it is hard not to feel the sadness that escapes her. Despair, loneness and doubt. Possibly the worst three things imaginable, and this is what causes her to not be real. So today, as my giddy clone danced about and played, I started speaking with the soul, and heard her cry to become real. Her plea to be whole, and not lost any longer. This, is almost as horrible as seeing humans move from day to day; or watching someone’s hope break when you are facing them. For some lost souls, no matter how the wish it, never let themselves be real. Worry, is something that keeps them wandering. As her face watched her lap I could feel but one thing.. Determination.
If you don’t know me well, you are not aware I’m a most stubborn creature. I enjoy a good challenge, For I can do anything. I believe in myself now. I Have no limits. I’m the kind of creature that you regret challenging, because I will not stop until I win. It’s all a game too me.
This one.. will become whole. All I need to do, is figure out a way to make her let me in. And I can beat the nothingness. I can help my friend.
I heard a most famous and fabulous line once, that I need to live by, or loose everything.
Just Believe.
I don’t care what you believe in, but if that’s all you’re getting, make it something worthwhile. Make it “good” |
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| September 28, 2008 |
[Sep. 28th, 2008|09:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Free | ] |
Expressing ones soul is something that can be a most beautiful thing. I find nothing makes me glow better then Celtic music, its life, its beauty, its passion. You can feel it flow threw you like an over filled river, an over anticipated hug, or a sudden warm wind when your bones feel chilled.
I recall days when I lived with the elder elf, and how overpowering the music was when you entered the house. It made me need to dance about her house in a way no other music has ever managed too in my lifetime. How much energy filled the little building, and what a good feeling it managed to bring us; even in s extremely unhappy time.
But oh the face the elder elf made when she smiled at the sight of this changeling turning into a full fledged fairy.. It always starts with the eyes. First you can feel them change color, your body becomes light and delicate. Last is the wings, as they burst from your back as if they where folded along you the hold time.. and you simply couldn’t remember to budge them. But her face… to picture this elf if you can, imagine the most pleasant face possible; the marks of many smiles, and years of mischief lining it, unintentionally they are telling all her stories. Her laughter sang about the house as I danced and swirled, remembering what its like to fly.
There are tones of things I enjoy being.. But nothing is quite like becoming one of the flower-type fairies. It’s a feeling of sheer freedom, all the stress in the world clears, and as you spin, you can feel the souls of other fairies joining you in dance. This is Celtic music to me.. A chance to dance with the fairies, and to hear the elders become youth again..
Souls are fabulous things that way; they can portray netter then anything the truth beyond the bodies’ ability. Old and young are seen as they are, and not as the poor bodies that host them. The music reminds me to pay attention to little details, for in a hidden corner of their eye there could be a troublesome sprite hiding, or a prince/princess that needs aid.
Believing for some is hard, but so others it would be foolish to refuse. If you knew my family, if you ever ran threw the woods as a child. If you have ever seen something you couldn’t explain, how could you deny believing?
So, dance.
Let all stress be cured, and feel your body shift into something it yearns to be. |
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| September 27, 2008 |
[Sep. 27th, 2008|02:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
Easily broken, its something I’m scared I could be. Even though I have my little world surrounding me as a barrier between me and this place called earth.
I watched a women’s heart cry a few days ago, for something she could do nothing about. The weirdest part about watching someone break is the overwhelming feeling of being lost. Its not what is gone, but how the soul seems to grieve for it. She spoke in a calm voice, that was kind of stunned in feeling; about how her husband, whom is 60 human years old, suddenly disappeared. Not in the kind of way that most older creatures disappear. It was not death. I sometimes think that it might be easier for humans to deal with the death of a loved one, then the sudden separation of them deciding they are no longer happy, and leaving.
I have not often been able to see the state of transformation where either a person turns into a human, stays a person, or becomes a bitter Shaylin. But the shift is both horrible and fascinating. You can see their soul depleting as bits of it float off them and into the air, shifting as it tries to force itself either back towards the body it came from, or grabbing a hold of the other bits that are escaping and twisting into something possibly disfigured and disgusting. If you look carefully you can see the bit of light in them flickering to fight the monsters that decided this time to get them face on.
It hurts, watching this transformation, watching their monsters crawl up to them from every direction and start tarring bits of whatever soul they can reach off. And all you can ever do is watch, and hope that light will shine bright enough to disband the shadows.
Not all lights are bright, and not all are the same color. The more cruel souls are a darker colors, deeps purples, blues and reds. While a light that is brighter in color has been less twisted by life, or perhaps was a darker natured soul to begin with. Both have a chance to become the other, or burn out completely.
Seeing these people, you may feel pity for them, or some feel anger that they are too weak to fight the battle that is life and move on. I tend to feel sorrow, but that could be because I feel so much of what people feel.. and it becomes my mood as well.
But the angry creatures are correct; they do need to move on. The question is always, what they will move on as. |
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| September 18, 2008 (I know Im far behind) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2008|11:10 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  scared | ] |
Resyn changed her shape today for a little while.. and I must tell you, nothing can be scarier then a muse changing shape!
It’s a rather intriguing thing to watch, you can literally see their skin melt and feathers fall from her wings. Rotting flesh decays in seconds and disappears into dust. You have to be careful not to breathe for that second, or the thick air of change makes to stunned and feels heavy on your soul. Muse are a very interesting race to me, because I know in this case, it was something I needed to be inspired, but it was still grotesque in nature by the end.
It was again along travels, and not far from us was a rather large group of children.. all wearing a torture device I recognize still even in my old age. A back pack, they call it.. Which they make small people carry overly heavy books, and make them stay inside even at home after a day of work in a horrid room of despair. The small things put their thumbs up as if they wanted a lift; it was a joke of course, for there was about fifty of them in total. And with that small action I watched my gorgeous messenger turn into a yellow toothed, long nailed demon of a woman. Her eyes a horrid white nature, and her voice went form sweet to a raspy harsh tone. “Maybe we should pick up the children?” she said, her eyes looking to them in a cold nature “come in my Van children.. Do you know how to bake?” And in a twisted turn of evens I felt my own teeth grow, and felt the dry mouth that comes along with feeling the need for a cruel deed. “How about Pies?” I asked in return, and both of us let forth a deep unearthly laugh like never before I have felt. It lasted but a second before I felt myself shift back, and looked to my side in time to see her back to her normal self again, all but her eyes where normal.
As a shape shifter, often things do tend to happen to me, at very strange times. And I know, neither of us would really harm the children. But that wouldn’t stop us from scaring them half to death. And in fact, In a time where your shifted into such a creature, you Do enjoy it. Anyone who has ever been such a creature knows, it’s the kind of thing you avoid being in public. |
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| September 17, 2008 |
[Sep. 19th, 2008|10:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
My lack of explanations in the last little while was impaired due to my rather low spirits. There are few things that suck my soul dry, and even fewer that place them back up again. In a random turn of events I had my little world shattered temporarily by self doubt and cold thoughts. Now, when I become unable to deal with the situations around me, my world shifts. Instead of my happy little home, I find myself feeling very trapped in my own one room cell. Much like when the little gods get trapped in the dark building. But Perhaps I am getting what I need in these times, and soon I am better again. However, waiting is always the hardest part, as the humans say.
My world wavers with uncertain thoughts, and the once brightly lit rooms are dark and have monsters crawling out of every shadow, only to slide back under as you look in their direction, its not the normal fast pasted hide that they do for children.. no.. it’s a slow watching stair as they quietly move back, sizing you up for which one thinks they may be able to take you this time. Mostly I have been lucky.. the shadows that have tried to take me, normally only manage to sneak up from behind.. but I do fear quietly that someday they will become more daring, and attack from the front.
But this is not what I have to speak with you today about; today my adventures included two things I’m really very fond of. The first are Were’s, possibly my most favorite of the creatures, for the part of me that is Faerie Adores all things nature.. and what can be more natural then a beast?
It all started off in the dark building… today being sort of a mind numbing day, the kind that really all you need there is your body. And I’m always slightly glad I can disconnect my consciousness from it and drift off to better places. Like hobbit holes! And waterfalls! For otherwise I most surly would have been bored to death. But luckily for me a curious type of person came into my section and started making noises in my direction. It took a little while of noise between the two of us for me to realize this woman was a Werewolf! She spoke of the moon with a glow of something I have not seen before. An adoring and irritated feeling, both at the same time. Upon the mention of her being a werewolf, the women did not cringe, and explained that it ran in her family.. as her son was one as well.
It seems that on the week of the full moon, werewolves start getting fidgety. They can’t stay still due to their pack instincts going mad, and they barley pay attention to the people around them. To which I know is because they obviously will only respond to the pack leader. It made me very excited and after the women left I most promptly stored the precious information in a safe place. I must remember to ask more questions the next time she appears.
The second is a rather sad occurrence. A person I know stopped in to my little building of solitude and the fairies of course started their normal fussing and jumping. However today he was rather sad, and did explain that his travels brought back with him a rather unfortunate guest. And he asked me to come aid him.
So with a little walk I discovered a baby bat attached to his window wiper in fear. I must tell you, Nothing breaks your heart so easily as seeing something so little get hurt by something so big…Gently I unhooked his little finger from the sill and carefully moved him to a saver location. We spoke a little while, and I realized the little boy was a bit dazed.. not that it was a surprise, have you ever been hit by a giant? He assures me it’s not the most pleasant thing in the world.
As I talked with him he appeared to be feeling better and started walking around and exploring the area a bit, for bats don’t see well and they, like everyone else are very curious. I let him have a bit of space for a nap, and now I am keeping a watchful eye on him.
I do hope he is well in the morning, for I have always loved bats. They are quite pleasant company, just as I had expected.
(A note the day after) The little bat did fly away in the morning, and All is well in the world, as it should be. |
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| Actully September 10th 2008 |
[Sep. 11th, 2008|09:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | impressed | ] |
Goblins where once something I thought of in a rather different way then I do now. You just need to spend a little time with them I suppose. So, today Etaf and I journeyed to the wild ends of Folnerium, to meet a pack of goblins.
In the thick trees of the forest we came across a camp, little tents of slightly ratty fabric where on the outermost area, and as you stepped further into the camp ground you could see the quick changing atmosphere. The little buildings looked more sturdy, and were made of better materials. I looked beneath me as I walked, feeling the cool green grass beneath my toes, and seeing the prints of another creatures foot steps heading towards the same direction. Etaf knows more about goblins then I do and started talking to them before we were far into their little camp. It had been explained to me before that they became friends threw a rather weird circumstance and a man named Thunt; who introduced him to a party of goblins including one named Ears, whom Etaf favored most among the goblins he had grown to know.
As it turns out, Goblins get their names threw a fortune teller, or a wise man. And it almost always has either their personality involved in the title, or their future. As we walked towards these creatures I realized they are not at all as displeasing to look at as most people said them to be, and I felt rather foolish that I would have listened to a person about it. They look a little like muddy children in my opinion, not smelly like children, however.
Etaf introduced me to the fortune teller of this camp, a female by the name of Spinner-of-webs, Webs for short. The chief who’s name happened to be Meets-a-dragon, Dragon for short; and two camp guards, Kills-ten-kobolds and Steals-a-feather, known most commonly as Kobolds and Feather. Feather turned out to be my most favorite of this group, for we had a most marvelous conversation about what kind of feather it was going to be. He said it was most obvious that it couldn’t be any regular feather, for what would be the point of stealing it then? And we decided together that it must be a magic feather from a Rock, or perhaps a golden feather, or a Phenix feather.
Webs and Etaf hit it off extremely well, and towards the end of our visit Webs gave him his very own goblin name Speaks-often-sarcastic-comments. At first He was not at all sure he agreed this name was appropriate, but quickly realized his mouth often hid a sharp tongue and he agreed Comments wasn’t such a bad name for him after all. She also gave him the ability to name things as a wise man would. And For that I think I will never forgive her! For now My name is Makes-faces, Faces for short.. and he has named Dryad Tattles-on-brothers… Tattles for short. And the worst part of it all is, He has the names quite well laid out. They fit us most perfectly.
I found a list stating what others will be named, Like Resyn is Patience-is-a-virtue, Virtue for short. And Ferial is Little-with-big-mouth, Mouth being the common name. Oh.. its going to be a trial for a few weeks I suppose. But perhaps Etaf will get over this naming thing soon enough, and if not. Others might want to be fairly nice around him for a while. |
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| Actully September 9, 2008 |
[Sep. 10th, 2008|10:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | thoughtful | ] |
Today was a day of reflections for me. I was thinking a fare amount about people, and what they are. I have mentioned to people close to me the difference between humans and people, and the difference between people and Shalyn. In order for me to explain clearly what I’m talking about, you will have to know as well.
In order to explain a human to you, I will take words from a wonderful memory, and a very smart man! One day, during my travels (As you know by now, I travel a lot) something fairly odd happened, The Coach-men talked. Most often I am phased into another world, and miss any potential conversations.. which really I have been trying to avoid now, as often as possible. But upon this day I lazily watched a creature trudging along the side of the road, and after a moment’s pause Coach-men said “A zombie” I looked at him and back at the creature with a slightly understanding look and after a moment he explained that a zombie is a husk of a person, but there isn’t really anything inside. They are soul-less and have no life, or spark to them.
This is most often how I see humans. There are many of these creatures that have no life.. Despite them thinking they do. Human, also happens to be the most horrible thing I can call someone, past any of the nasty names that these creatures use today. For in my opinion they are all things evil. Humans are uncaring of how the world around them is affected, or about anyone else’s needs but their own. Selfish is the best way to explain it.
While people, as a hole can be very giving creatures. They have souls, but lack a spark that would make them something extra. Sometimes they find out about the shayln and wish so hard to be it, they lean closer to that side of my imaginary scale. Which sometimes makes it hard to decipher if they are a person, or a shalyn. However, should you look at them closely; you will notice the missing brightness. So being a person is not a bad thing at all. Because a single person thinks and does not brainlessly follow. But it is still a half way mark in my opinion of something that can be much better.
My favorite are obviously the Shalyn, as they are creatures with soul and life, and you’re never exactly sure which creature you are getting with which body masque. They are centaurs, dryads, nyads, dragons, anthros, mermaids, elves, gnomes, and dwarfs. They are unicorns, phenix, demons, angels, and sylph. Shaylin are not all pleasant or friendly, in fact, a lot are tricky and have a hidden agenda. Most often they just have something more.. Something that is hard to explain unless you have seen one, or know what to look for. But if trying to sum it up, Id have to say they are pretty much magic and nature; spirits perhaps; that live inside a human shell. Like me, I’m a shape shifter.. at least as far as I can figure.. It’s not exactly always easy to know.
But all Shayln know that they are different, and feel that there are certain people that have souls that are closer to their own. An elder elf spoke with me once and called them “others”; people that have something extra.
Almost all of the people I shall mention along the way are Shalyn, and I keep their faerie names here instead of their real ones for safety’s sake against the humans. I have already mentioned Ferial is a gnome, And Recyn is a muse. If I could explain her properly Id tell you she is all things beautiful. That she has large white wings that she touches the sky with on a daily basis. However, there is a funny thing about muse.. they appear as different things to each person, to inspire them whichever way most aids you. So to someone else, she may be a woman with devil horns, or even a raven. I am glad she appears to me most often as a messinger, for the warm glow she emits in this form has a rather home like feeling.
I doubt any human would be reading this, for by now they have looked at my little portal and decided I must be mad. As humans normal do judge things they care not to pay attention too. So, on the rare chance that one reads this and they feel offended. Feel at ease, the likely hood of you being a human is rather small, perhaps you are a person or have yet to discover what you truly are! And I would more then understand that.
It isn’t as often as Id like that I meet new Shayln, and I enjoy trying to pry into their souls without them knowing, to find which creature is laying beneath that masque. Sometimes it’s easier to figure out what other people are, then what you are yourself. |
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| Actully September 8th 2008 |
[Sep. 9th, 2008|09:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | anoyed | ] |
An odd discovery occurred today, when talking to my friend Ferial again. It all started with a garden.. For Ferial is a gnome like fairy, and tends to be good at all things inventing; As Gnomes are; and anyone that knows anything about fairies is aware of that.
Well this day has been unusually sunny for folnerium. Compared to the way the rest of the summer has been. As of lately we have been spending most of our days listening to the water sprites laughing on the tops of our houses.. and of course, the dark building.
But today! Today the sun came and shone her bright childlike face in our direction.. giving us sweet warm kisses of sunlight as we traveled and talked.
We where discussing things and their need for space. How gardens, especially interesting ones, needed something to help the height barrier. Now this was a new concept for me, never before had I realized that something impaired you to get taller. I thought it was some silly science thing. Well, it turns out I was wrong.
Which I don’t normally admit; But on occasion, (as to not look like a know-it-all) I tend to pretend to admit my unknowing of things.
It turns out that there is something that places... something (probably a hand) over your head. This hand hovers above you from the day you are born, but is always at the same place. For instance, If you where a baby and you where to grow until you are 6 feet tall, You continue to grow until you reach that hand. And It reminds you that’s enough, for your head cant get past it.
This hand could be a very helpful thing! For if you had none, you could grow and grow forever, your body would never know when to stop! Perhaps that is the reason giants exist.. the hand forgot about a few people.. I will consult someone and debate about it later.
It came to my attention that not all children or fairies are agreeable creatures, and some may take an unkind view of being stopped when they wanted to keep growing. Which, Ferial said must have happened to her. For she reached her hand at a very young age, and her body, being so stubborn as to wanting to grow, insisted it was going to grow some way. And upon this decision it decided to grow out!
So being height impaired is no longer something I will blame my bloodlines for. But I do have a serious vendetta against that hand.. and should I ever get a chance to talk with it, its pinky finger will become so red from the words I use on it, it will be sure to fall off. |
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| actully September 6, 2008 |
[Sep. 8th, 2008|09:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
September 6, 2008
Today we found a new creature! Upon a mission to free my soul a travel was needed to a very large building. To explain this place correctly id have to explain the universe; and since I’m still not completely adept to do that.. Yet, mind you… Ill have to explain it on a smaller scale.
Think Of the most amazing place you’ve ever been. The place that makes you feel the most happy, and excited, or calm. Now imagine that in this place, there is everything that could ever make you happy. Tones of adventures! Princes, getting eaten by dragons; the most fabulous chiefs, baking chocolate desserts; flowers and trees, and music playing. There are different types of things going on everywhere, fairies watching children, dogs learning to be the best friends we love them to be. This place, is a land of portals.. and no matter which direction you go, you can open a new one. To any world you wish.
You could be that Vampire, sucking the blood of innocent humans. Or the Pirate trying to survive scurvy, and taking over ships. Or even a mouse, skirting the forest floor trying to avoiding owls.
Now, Some people might not think any of that sounds like fun.. and some people would rather just be boring old humans. But I’m glad that I will never be, and when I walked into that building, I could see it all. And it was Amazing.
Upon exiting this building, a curious thing caught the eye of my companion. Ferial, and she pointed it out quiet calmly. This creature had a little sign about its confinement, marking it quite clearly as a Godiva. Recyn started to explain that a Godiva is normally a very small creature, and we quickly got into the conversation and learned that they most normally are the fairies that live between your toes. Godivas live in amongst your sock lint, and most often love toe socks above all others; finding them the most snug and comfortable. Because not all people enjoy toe socks, Godiva’s tend to be the annoyance that pulls the fabric in closer and between your toes, causing irritation when you walk. They are also reason that sometimes you get that pain in your toe; that pain down by your toe nail the one that when you check for it, there appears to be no reason it happened.
It was a most educational day! And I dare say I can’t wait to go back, and see what we find next time. |
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| Actully September 4ths |
[Sep. 7th, 2008|10:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | drained | ] |
September 4, 2008
Today I awoke with a sudden start and a bright light, a booming voice telling me “we are late” A cold reminder first thing in the morning that I had to play human again.. a fait I’m sure, that must be worse then baring children; which most defiantly must be worse then death. Pulling on my human skin, like a zombie I trudged to get ready for the torture of a day. The Faerie folk screaming at my feet, and dancing about it with the glee only sprites and imps could have. Being a changeling myself, they gave me a slight bit of comfort knowing they would keep me from becoming completely mundane.
The mid sized fairy danced about my feet, and a wave of warmth and pity overtook me; realizing suddenly that today I needed to drag her with me.. she would be locked most of the day in a single celled room, with food, of course.. but a slight torture must be endured every now and then. Today was her turn.
The traveling never seems long for me, but perhaps that’s because I waver in and out of sleep.. or reality, with ease during such travels. The fluffy fairy laid on my lap, trying to keep herself planted there, for comfort before the fact I suppose.
Upon reaching the dark building I paused but only a second before entering, and muttering to myself. The “sacred” code to get inside unable to leave my brain even in its half asleep state.. it has been 2 years now that I have been the key to this place. Though I sometimes wonder how many people think they might be it.
The fairy, Dryad, true to her name as every fairy should be, danced around my feet as she had earlier in the day.. slowing only when we reached the room that would be hers. But as we walked a cold feeling seemed to touch my skin, and I turned to look into the chambers that hold these little creatures. There, in the room closest to the wall was a small god, laying motionless. I walked towards her with ever growing fear, and called to her very softly. She had not been there to stay, but to try and help her.
There was no movement as I spoke to her, so slowly I opened her door and patted a soft spot on her back. In my fear I was unable to tell if I had moved her, or if she had moved.. so again I touched her, and realized it was far to late. This soul had departed without question, hours ago. Even pretending to be human is difficult.. I felt my heart drop and try and drag itself along the floor before I could tuck it back in again. This little god had taken her place again in the stars.
Hours and hours flew buy, I watched goblins, and ghosts, Humans and trolls all wander in, out and around this dark building. Hours knowing that my poor little friend was alone back in that room of hers. But it was time, she would feel better after she was free. And when the time finally came to free us both, never have I moved so quickly to escape!
Both of us practically ran from the building, and down the road towards the water.. the water.. Something I need far more then I tell people. It makes my soul alive, when trapped in the world of humans.
Dryad and I stopped into a little shop, and I managed to gather us some ice cream.. Which both of us lapped at happily (separate cones) while we hid around the corner of the building.. It made me laugh to see that little thing closing her eyes, and licking so carefully.
When finally we got home, it was a most joyous occasion , as normally it is.. and I danced around with the faeries and let my human skin shed. There is nothing better.. then being able to be yourself. |
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